Due Dilligence: Taking Great Activity Ideas Home

Although I’m a big fan of spending time at the local pet store (AKA: The Free Zoo) and going on “Playground Tour 2012”…There are a lot of other things to do in the area.

This week, one of my best friends Jeff (who is also a professional Daddy) re-introduced me to Longwood Gardens. Like many other places I’ve visited as a childless-man, I was surprised to learn that there was a “children’s section”.

Longwood has an exhibit in the Indoor Children’s Garden “…filled with intricate water features, handcrafted artisan elements and engaging horticultural displays that invite children into an imaginative world all their own.” - www.longwoodgardens.org

Located in the center of these awe inspiring displays is a large stone fountain adorned with hand-carved dragons and surrounded by slate-tiled walls. A collection of buckets and small wooden-handled paintbrushes are made available for children for them to “paint” everything from the fountain itself to the cement floor beneath it…with water as the "paint" that temporarily darkens the surfaces.

As someone with large rocks lining their driveway and approximately 60’ of flagstone along their front walk, I immediately recognized the beauty of this interactive exhibit. The quick-drying “paint” motivates the children to continually create new designs or re-do patterns that have just faded… until you have to drag them away.

Needless to say… I bought 3 cheap paintbrushes at Sherwin Williams yesterday and am looking forward to Catherine’s reaction when I break them out this weekend.

So much easier to steal GREAT ideas from someone else than to think of them yourself. Whenever I’m at a loss for fun things to do, I guess I just need to get out with the openness to re-discover places and things I thought I knew.

Reminds me of the classic cure for “writer's block”.

Collateral Damage: Mom Misses Out on A lot

Having a wife with an incredibly demanding career means she misses out on experiencing many small magical moments and some significant milestones in our daughter's childhood. Witnessing most of her growing up is priceless! It makes my job of being a full-time parent so rewarding. But one of the strange and challenging aspects of this transition has been dealing with my wife's frustration with feeling excluded.

It's difficult to know she's missing out on things…and to feel, at times, very much alone myself. I wish she was able to share all of these memories with me. I can only imagine how frustrating and sad it must be for her too. Of course, it’s easy to forget how painful it must be for her when she gets annoyed at not knowing where the can opener is kept… or says things like "You’ve got it easy!" or "Sure, you know all the neighbors...they'd rather hang out with you than with me!" or "That is something that is very special and important to me and you totally excluded me!".

As a stay-at-home dad, I've learned to compensate for some of the inherent distance. Using my blackberry camera to take pictures of everything from cute outfits to bed-side table lamps enables her to shop, to some extent, by proxy.  My wife loves the fact that, every morning, I send several shots of Catherine coming down the stairs so that she can see her outfit and how well (or poorly) daddy styled her hair. I think the videos I take of everything from cuddling with the dog to shopping at the supermarket makes her feel a little less disconnected. I seriously take pictures and videos of everything....so much so that I can fill the memory on a phone in less than a month if I don't regularly sync my media. It must look absolutely obnoxious to anyone watching.    

But I realize that no amount of documenting our daughters life will ever be an adequate substitute for actually being there. On several occasions, my wife has directed the frustration of not being there at me....which has been the fundamental issue underlying a few serious relationship-shaking arguments. I loose my cool and raise my voice in these situations but eventually try to remind her, that it is her job that excludes her from regular participation in the family and not me. Using me as a target for things that frustrate both of us is a hazard to the longevity of our marriage….and probably is for any single income family. I love and admire my wife more than she will ever know. I recognize the importance of her bettering, and often saving, the lives of countless children everywhere… but it doesn't make sharing her with them any easier.