Continuing Education: The Romantic Nature of Learning

"Art is everywhere, except it has to pass through a creative mind."

-Louise Nevelson

There is artistry in education. The appreciation of its design depends largely on one’s ability to contemplate the beauty of its magnificent impact with moral imagination.  If you take the time to step back and deconstruct the material world, educational lessons are revealed in its design. This is the cornerstone of Montessori . Facilitating an understanding of the world by developing a core of knowledge based on experiencing its physical properties (AKA: Tactile Learning). The more comprehensive these experiences are... the deeper one's understanding of the world may become.

Lasting impressions of the physical world create reference points for not only our creativity and imagination but for the development of our vocabulary and the most basic means of communication as well.

In the book "Thought In The Act", Erin Manning + Brian Massumi describe life experience as: "...the intangible." I interpret this to mean that one can only imagine the intangible and our imaginations are the creative applications of mental associations we make with our physical understandings of the world. The breadth of one's learning can therefore directly impact the extent to which one experiences life and can imagine. This is the mindset from which we attempt to re-discover and re-define the world with, and for, our daughter.

"I would like to recapture that freshness of vision which is characteristic of extreme youth when all the world is new to it."
-Henri Matisse

My wife and I are driven to give our daughter a life filled with as much joy as possible (without being detrimental) while empowering her to make a positive contribution to the world and leave it in a better condition than the one in which it is presented to her. Whether or not she elects to take on such a noble pursuit will be up to her…but we at least want her to be possessed with the requisite awareness in order to give her a better shot at it if she tries. We believe that the attainment of this awareness is made easier if we adopt a Montessorial approach to our introduction to the world (meaning: deconstructing everything to its most basic physical components, qualities and relationships in order to promote an appreciation of both individual components and their relationships within various contexts as well). Employing this method of modeling (and thus parenting) has been very much like arranging a marriage between Socratic Questioning and the slow motion filming techniques that transform amazing feats of wildlife like the flight mechanics of a bird's wing, into what the BBC calls "...full scale events, and simple action into incredibly detailed video sequences." The results are impossible to imagine let alone perceive with the naked eye. When a sequence filmed at a high frame rate (fps) is played back in normal time (24fps), the action appears to slow down. As camera technology improves, ultra high-speed footage of over 1,000fps produces ever more astonishing images. Hidden secrets are revealed, new science is discovered and tiny subtleties in animal behaviour become perceptible.".

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see."
-Edgar Degas

On Grocery Shopping:
As parents we often worry more about our children's happiness than our own...and some of us can imagine the smallest amount of potential suffering (even boredom) having lasting detrimental effects to their overall emotional well-being. It sounds crazy... and that's mostly because, well...it is.

After being blessed with a seemingly perpetual sidekick, I suddenly began viewing one of my favorite things in the world: grocery shopping, as a boring chore for our little one and more of a "necessary evil" than anything. I went to great lengths in order to minimize our time in any market and thus mitigate, what I had perceived to be, my daughters suffering.

My weekly mission was to make grocery shopping as fast and as painless as possible. To enter and to leave with military precision. I was a Supermarket S.E.A.L.  and the strike zone encompassed every square inch from the parking lot to the pastry case. As such, it required utilizing my strategic operations experience to develop shopping lists that would direct our travel path from paper products and laundry supplies to dairy and frozen foods (which...to me, is still the most efficient travel path through a grocery store.)

Once I considered the fact that my general stress level was likely being transmitted at some level to my daughter, I took a step back and looked at this mundane chore of gathering stuff with my Montessorial monocle. After doing so, I was able to recognize educational opportunities existing everywhere! It didn't take long to start enjoying the lessons that every isle and every purchase offered.  I think I, like so many other people, shop as they drive. One with the cart. Operating it with a sort of tunnel vision. Half-blind to the other people in the store in that- I saw them mostly as slow moving obstacles in my path to hunting, gathering and surgically extracting a list of items amid a course made from thousands of bar coded goods. The fact that there are so many different products & foodstuffs in a myriad of: colors, textures, shapes and sizes alone...combined with the wide range of pricing makes for an exceptional environment full of physical stimulus there for the taking!  Add to this the potential multitude of non-verbal lessons in social psychology once one begins navigating with others as opposed to through them. Explaining that pictures don't necessarily match what's in the box or naming an animal that eats a particular food...even the act of writing then reading a shopping list together and checking off the items holds a wealth of practical modeling applications.

New and exciting games emerge when a scale is viewed as an educational toy instead of a tool for commerce. Guessing how many units or "pounds" of bananas we want and then showing my three year old just how many bananas her guess of 7 pounds actually equates to…and feels in her arms....can be hilarious! And physically comprehending the difference between a 1lb bag of rice in her lap vs. a 10lb pound bag in her lap is just one of the countless physical comparisons that make long lasting impressions while eliciting a heart-warming amount of laughter.

This is enjoyable education. It's fun. it's free. And it forms the basis of enjoying physical connections with the world and learning from them. The food market has now become not only less stressful for me... but actually much more enjoyable than it ever was.  Seeing how much five of something costs compared to how much ten of the same thing costs can be a real lesson in both mathematics as well as economics.

“There is no single word, equivalent to literacy or numeracy, that expresses wrighting and wroughting (that is the ability to make – as in wheelwright, shipwright, cartwright). In late 18th and early 19th century the role of schools in preparing children to work in manufacturing industry would have been seen to have had a greater vocational and economic relevance than it would today.”

-Brian Stevens: The Three Rs and The Education Journal #307

We never refer to “shopping” as math or economics or physics or psychology... just as we don't refer to other skill sets such as addition or penmanship in the Montessori classroom as such. We focus on the romantic nature of letters and numbers and what they physically mean so that we can draw them, hold them, trace them, count and separate them, etc... This sensual connection between touch and concept is what I view as romantic. Using the traditional names for foundations of basic skill-oriented educational programs may more readily prepare children for the references they will encounter in later years but it takes all the fun out of learning today. It makes these experiences seem more like work and less like play. It takes the romance, the magic and the imagination out of her world.

"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance."
-Aristotle

Viewing the world from a Montessorial perspective is making every place and every thing seem more meaningful than its obvious context. More valuable than the sum of its parts. More...interconnected.
In my earlier post "Circle Back" I discussed the interconnections that exist between the business world and the natural world. These are the kinds of relationships I am now just seeing for the first time and the vision of the world I want to impart to my child. Seeing the inter-connectedness of all things may sound like a spiritual or religious pursuit for us but it is not. For my wife and me... it is much simpler than that. Our hope is that by embracing the romantic nature of learning she will derive immense fulfillment from discovery and understand more about the world and herself than traditional extrinsic "teaching" alone can impart.  

Right now, my wife and I only want to develop a polite and gentle person who is socially adept and enjoys learning. We have no interest in rushing to amass within her any specific quantity or mass of knowledge nor do we want her to achieve any prescribed level of learning above or beyond what she naturally achieves through self-interest and gentle guidance.  This is why we made the choice to send her to a Montessori School and why, every day, we are grateful for discovering Baan Dek Montessori in Sioux Falls. There are so many stresses that we face as adults in life. Right now we want her to be a child and enjoy her childhood. The artisan educators at Baan Dek seem to direct their students with an understanding that there is greater value in mitigating pressure for children than preparing them to handle it...and we like that.

"Play is The Work of The Child" - Maria Montessori

For the last three years, I have walked with our daughter to the top of at least a dozen water slides...and every climb resulted in uncertainty and fear. Although I would consistently assure her that it would be "ok" and "so much fun!" (While pointing out the other children her age and those younger who we're enjoying it) She always decided to walk back down instead...until this past week at a resort in Phoenix Arizona. When she decided she was "going to be brave” and “ought to give it a try." As a result, I witnessed a mirth of her own accord. Unmistakably derived not only from the thrill of the ride, but also from the pride in realizing that her own hunger for joy was the motivation that elicited courage.

Children develop at different rates... but when placed in healthy environments with exposure to diversity of company and a myriad of disciplines, all children eventually reach their intellectual potential with or without our constant intervention.The difference between racing to that potential vs. allowing a child to arrive at it at their own pace and through a romantic discovery is that the later seems to breed a deeper joy and self-confidence through an appreciation of the journey as well as the destination.

Leading From Behind: A Montessorial Approach To Management

"Knowing what you don't know". I've had a strong distaste for that expression ever since I first heard it. Probably because whenever I did, it was most often from the mouths of ineffective leaders and often unethical superiors who would cite such wisdom upon my questioning their direction. It became a cliche synonymous with "because I said so". Years later, I came to appreciate these words after a leader, with the utmost integrity, used them in a helpful context as opposed to a derogatory one. She said "They don't even know what they don't know" to underscore the value in our service to many clients who, due to inexperience, were not only unaware of the hidden risks we would mitigate for them but of the potential harm those risks could cause as well.  Years of practical application experience widens one’s field of vision and increases the ability to anticipate future outcomes. When someone’s vulnerability, due to a lack of experience is recognized…the more experienced individual may then choose to either exploit the ignorant party or protect them.

Aiming to protect someone, from something they don't know can harm them, often leads to even the best-intentioned managers merely reinforcing the need for their own presence. More productive managers develop their people by fostering independence. This is most efficiently accomplished by creating opportunities for experiential learning. The wisdom to know when protection from errors is more preferable than containment of damage, depends largely on one’s scope of vision in calculating the various potential related impacts.

Due to our first-hand experience with the enforcement of carefully worded contractual contingencies, this former mentor taught me that our moral and fiduciary obligation was to be diligent in breaking down every agreement word-by-word. She made me realize that, very often, legal contracts may appear to the untrained eye more as lengthy legal translations of standard simple terms rather than artfully crafted prose intended to bore, confuse and distract those who are not avid readers of legalese. She was dedicated to protecting those who were easy prey for exploitation. Those who enjoy such literature as they would fiction…or a film: With the tendency to suspend disbelief and surrender oneself to the overall plot. Continually moving along with the current and without ever getting hung up on the branches of  an unknown word, inaudible line or some other “small detail”.

By adopting a Montessorial approach to management, it has become easier for me to realize the long-term value in allowing some foreseeable errors to occur and mitigate the damages they cause (provided such mis-steps provide experiential learning experiences whose value exceeds the risk of not being able to contain the potential damage created as a result). I now see the attempt to avoid every foreseeable mistake, as conventional wisdom might dictate, as short sighted. The ability to prevent even unexpected events from having catastrophic effects is empowering for any manager who appreciates the value of working with people who not only grow to anticipate outcomes…but change their own behavior as a result of learning from their own mistakes.

When I used to lead hiking trips through the Application Trail, I would position myself at the end of the line and the paramedic in front. Leading from behind enabled me to not only see if any one member of the team might be failing to keep up with the group,  but also offered me the vantage point of seeing the entire team and anything that might cross their path.

As parents my wife and I are now learning, first hand, the value in replicating the same kind of leadership we regularly witness in the Montessori classroom. By maintaining even the smallest amount of distance from our daughter during most tasks, we strategically position ourselves to prevent harm as opposed to prevent failure. For example: taking one step back keeps us close enough to prevent her from picking up the sharp pieces of a broken drinking glass, but far enough away for her to learn what happens if she drops it. 

This new sort of "leading from behind" has not only proved to bolster our daughter’s confidence in knowing that it's OK to fail, but more importantly in making her (and us) more and more aware of her own resilience.

Motivation: Discovering The Best Environment

“Which environment is best for our daughter?”

&

“How can we raise our daughter to thrive and assimilate in any environment…competitive or not?” 

When I consider a competitive environment as potentially the best environment for our daughter, the age old question of Nature vs. Nurture springs to mind. I have decided that one's development is a driven by both…and thus it is imperative for my wife and I to not only fully develop what nature has given us but also (and simultaneously) offer the benefits of external "reinforcements" as well.

Putting our daughter in the "right environment" can involve anything from surrounding her with people who contribute positively to an environment of competition and defining particular norms, to surrounding her with the natural wonders of the world to observe independently... or both.  At some point in her future some of these (either "natural" or "nurtured") tenants may be lacking and she may need to rely more heavily on one than the other…like a crutch bearing the additional weight after one loses the use of one leg.

Social Psychology breaks “Motivation in Education” down into two main branches: Intrinsic (or self) Motivation and Extrinsic (or outside) Motivation.

Although I believe we are a collection of all our experiences and all of those that touch us (from a "hello" offered by a complete stranger to being married, for 50 years, to your best friend) I think the greatest impact on character is deeply ingrained during our more formative years by our parent(s) and/or guardian(s). 

I acknowledge that no development ever occurs in a vacum. However, I believe my values and ethics are more a result of my parents' nurturing than of external influences like my hometown or the schools I've attended. My mother and father exposed me to so much of the world, provided countless outlets to discover nature, passed down their own values (likely influenced by their parents) and promoted intrinsic motivation with love, attention, patience and perhaps, at times, a bit too much praise. 

"That what urges children toward civilized life is the love they bear to the persons who educate them, and, little by little, the possibility of tasting some of the comforts which are undoubtedly an aid to civilized life." - Maria Montessori

If External Influences and developed Extrinsic Motivators are variables due to their reliance on uncontrollable outside elements (and can thus prove elusive at times), then logic would dictate that an educational foundation based on the development of Intrinsic Motivation is more likely to better equip children to be competent learners and performers in the potential absence of Extrinsic Motivation… and thus thrive far beyond a basic competence if and when Extrinsic Motivation is in great supply. In short, I would rather my daughter’s level of success in achieving her goals rely more heavily on her self-gratification than on the reinforcement / praise by others.

Intrinsic Motivation:

"Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on external pressures or a desire for reward. Intrinsic motivation has been studied since the early 1970s. Students who are intrinsically motivated are more likely to engage in the task willingly as well as work to improve their skills, which will increase their capabilities.

Extrinsic Motivation:

"Extrinsic motivation refers to the performance of an activity in order to attain an outcome, whether or not that activity is also intrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards (for example money or grades) for showing the desired behavior, and the threat of punishment following misbehavior. Competition is in an extrinsic motivator because it encourages the performer to win and to beat others, not simply to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity. A cheering crowd and the desire to win a trophy are also extrinsic incentives.[7]"

Comparison of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation:

"Social psychological research has indicated that extrinsic rewards can lead to over justification and a subsequent reduction in intrinsic motivation. In one study demonstrating this effect, children who expected to be (and were) rewarded with a ribbon and a gold star for drawing pictures spent less time playing with the drawing materials in subsequent observations than children who were assigned to an unexpected reward condition.[8] While the provision of extrinsic rewards might reduce the desirability of an activity, the use of extrinsic constraints, such as the threat of punishment, against performing an activity has actually been found to increase one's intrinsic interest in that activity. In one study, when children were given mild threats against playing with an attractive toy, it was found that the threat actually served to increase the child's interest in the toy, which was previously undesirable to the child in the absence of threat.[9]

For those children who received no extrinsic reward, self-determination theory proposes that extrinsic motivation can be internalized by the individual if the task fits with their values and beliefs and therefore helps to fulfill their basic psychological needs.”

We witnessed numerous signs that Intrinsic Motivation was being employed when we first visited our daughter's school (Baan Dek Montessori). Through the school's focus on: fostering independence, minimizing distractions, opening outlets to nature, challenging each student in a mixed-age environment and allowing students to make their own mistakes; we felt the students seemed to take more of a personal ownership in their learning and thus develop their own gratification of arriving at correct answers...at their own pace.

Po Bronson presented a unique perspective on motivation and competition onKQED’s Forumwhere he discussed his (and co-author Ashley Merryman’s) book Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing

“The performance-enhancing effects of competition and teams do not apply only at elite levels such as the Olympics or in physical match-ups. Competitions held in classrooms and lunch rooms across the country also push kids to do better. In finite games, you compete and then you let it go, and you have rest and recuperation – that’s actually really important for kids. It’s the continuous sense of pressure that is unhealthy for them.

Equally not advantageous is the act of always letting kids win

"It’s a common scene: a child and an adult race, and the adult holds back to allow the child the thrill of winning or perhaps, more realistically, to avoid tears. But losing is a lesson everyone should learn. If kids don’t learn to lose they’re going to feel entitled to win. They’re also going to make a connection that fear of losing is going to prevent them from taking the risk in the first place. And what kids do need to learn is losing is not that big a deal. They need to learn to lose and go ‘Oh, whatever,’ and move on and keep playing."

But if and when you do let them win, base that decision on their effort.

In conclusion, I believe the ferocity of competition and social norms within any environment, while significant, holds much less influence on a child's development than active and involved parents who recognize:

"...that human beings do not live by nourishment and oxygen alone, as we have carelessly thought, but they live by means of many other natural elements. Being in contact with the earth, the sun, and the vegetable life of plants is like drinking from the very springs of our life. And these principles, which we might call materialistic and physiological, are just now appearing on the pedagogical horizon."- Maria Montessori's March 27, 1913 adress "Nature in Education" as edited by AMI Journal Special, July 2013

There are pros and cons to raising and educating children in any environment and in any institution. The best environment for empowering any child (or more specifically, our daughter) is not the one that meets any measure of excellence or serves a reliance on external influences like competition to aid in the development of our daughter's "survival" skills. The best environment is any one where we, as parents, are: safe, healthy, happy and can best afford the most time, educational resources and personal attention to invest in the most wonderful journey of loving, learning and sharing that is parenthood. 

Environmental Influences: Competition, Adaptation & Evolution

I am pondering whether our daughter would be more empowered to succeed in the pursuit of our ambitious goal for her (to effect  positive change in the world) if placed in a competitive environment that promotes the development of survival skills, or if she would be better off rarely having to exercise those skills at all.

A behavior is always to be taken transactionally: i.e., never as of the organism alone, any more than of the   environment alone, but always as of the organic-environmental situation, with   organisms and environmental objects taken as equally its aspect. 
  ---- Dewey and Bentley, 1949

I began researching competitive environments in an effort to discover what defines or establishes “professional standards” and “social expectations”.  After coming across a quote by Criss Jami,  I seriously considered my level of professional expectations, to some extent, a deficit or “flaw”… a result of my own limited exposure and inability to appreciate the polarity of competitive vs. slower paced markets and thus having my own limited perspective / environment form what are perhaps ego-centric expectations.

Criss Jami writes: 

“Self-righteousness is much like a spiritual egocentricity. It constitutes a secular type of love that thrives under conditionality, one in which is only existent after an individual meets the adopted standards of the condemner; oppositely, unconditional love is a holy love.” 
― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

Jami’s writing got me thinking deeper about what specific differences I was perceiving from market to market and I was reminded of my Grandpop Pete, who was a self-made millionaire and serial entrepreneur-

On Pride & Promotion:

"If you’re going to do any job at all,” he used to say “do it to the best of your ability. The result will be something special... When they asked me to sweep a floor in the Navy; I made damn sure I was going to be the best floor sweeper they had ever seen!"

It’s not much of a stretch to correlate “The Will to Succeed” with the similar “Will to Survive”.

Which causes me to consider my particular concept of “professional standards" as a learned survival skill which, inherently, would only be suited for particular environments.

Perhaps one’s conception of "professional standards" is as subjective as beauty…as pace…as rhythm. It’s certainly plausible that everyone’s own idea of “excellence” may be unique. Perhaps mine is merely a result of appreciating an unnecessarily high level of attention to detail and efficiency that has evolved in an densely populated environment saturated with proficiency... and thus demands it, if for no other reason... than to enable some to “stand out” in a crowd and “survive” professionally in an over-crowded and thus overly-competitive marketplace.  

 If population and market dynamics among cities, regions or countries vary significantly then “standards of excellence” may very well be as variable as cultural norms throughout the globe.

The question as to “Which environment is better for our daughter?”, has now evolved into “How can we raise our daughter to thrive and easily assimilate in any environment…competitive or not?

In asking myself these questions, I begin to question my own current social expectation theory: that “survival” is inexorably linked with adaptability - a trait of natural selection “adopted” to ensure survival….much like “industrial melanism” as postulated by Michael Majerus in “Melanism -Evolution in Action”

“Industrial Melanism” as postulated by Michael Majerus:

The light-colored form of the moth, known as typica, was the predominant form in England prior to the beginning of the industrial revolution. Shown at left, the typica moth's speckled wings are easy to spot against a dark background, but would be difficult to pick out against the light-colored bark of many trees common in England.

Around   the middle of the 19th   century, however, a new form of the moth began   to appear. The first report of   a dark-colored peppered moth was made in 1848. By 1895, the frequency in Manchester had reached a reported level of 98% of the moths.

This dark-colored form is known as carbonaria, and (as shown at right), it is easiest to see against a light background. As you can well imagine, carbonaria   would be almost invisible against a dark   background, just as typica would be difficult to see against a   light background. The increase in carbonaria moths was so dramatic that many naturalists made the immediate suggestion that it had to be the result of the effects of industrial activity on the local landscape.

As noted on page 297 of the  Elephant Book, coal burned during the early decades of the industrial   revolution produced soot that blanketed the countryside of the industrial areas of England between London and Manchester. Several naturalists noted   that the typica form was more common in the countryside, while the carbonaria moth prevailed in the sooty regions.  Not surprisingly, many jumped to the conclusion that the darker moths had some sort of survival advantage in the newly-darkened landscape.

In recent years, the burning of  cleaner fuels and the advent of Clean Air laws has changed the countryside even in industrial areas, and the sootiness that prevailed during the 19th century is all but gone from urban England. Coincidentally, the prevalence of the carbonaria form has declined dramatically. In fact, some biologists suggest that the dark forms will be all but extinct within a few decades.

For evolutionary biologists, the question behind the rise and fall of the carbonaria form is "Why?" Why should the dark phenotype have appeared so suddenly, come to dominate the population in industrial areas, and then have declined just as sharply when levels of pollution declined? To many biologists, the   answer seemed obvious. In areas where pollution had darkened the landscape, the darker moths were better camouflaged and less like to be eaten by birds. Under less-polluted conditions, the light-colored moths prevailed for similar reasons.

But was the obvious answer correct? That's what Kettlewell set out to check in a series of classic   studies carried out in the 1950s. As described in Chapter 14 of the text, his results seemed to confirm that background camouflage was the key”

Other examples of surviving through adaptation & evolution born out of competition can be seen in forests: 

“Forest trees grow tall to compete with their neighbors for light. The competition is fierce, and the stakes are high. Most tree species can't reproduce without winning a place in the forest canopy. The evolution of trees is thought to be a kind of race; every time one species acquires the ability to get taller, it ups the ante for all the other species around it."

Taken from: http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/volunteer/janfeb10/tree_growth.html

Now considering the following:

Social Norms _"...people tend to adopt social norms and to tailor their behavior to meet the expectations those norms provide. When others do not meet these expectations, misunderstanding and conflict can result, or it can cause an individual to re-examine his expectations."

Social Roles- "Social roles are largely the result of internalizing normative behavior. By internalizing social roles, people learn what kinds of behavior are expected of them and adopt a set of expectations for the behavior of others. Social roles are considered social constructions, in that there is nothing inherent or essential about such behavior; instead, it is considered to be the result of social conditioning and acculturation."

--Cultural Expectations, Social Behavior and Interaction by: R.J. Rummel

Perhaps the best course of action is well-rounding our daughter as much as possible by exposing her to as many different environments as we can. This my serve to reinforce the inherent dangers of ego-centrism---namely, the frustration that often occurs a result of not being able to easily assimilate.

I heard a sermon recently, by pastor Jeff Wheeler of Central Baptist church here in Sioux Falls, - who spoke about Mark 5:19 and the value of leading an "oikos-centric" life. He was right. Considering a greater purpose of our lives, as the source of some possible service to our larger community/"oikos", has led me into an awareness and a re-alignment of my focus beyond the importance of having my own wants and expectations met...into remembering what I often tell clients: "...possibilities for greater things only reveal themselves when we take a step back and pause from the distractions of ourselves to see the bigger picture." 

Alternative Asset: Montessori - Our Smartest Investment

The public schools in Sioux Falls are as good as (or better) than the public schools in the affluent western suburbs of Philadelphia (US News and world reports ranks the local high-schools in Lincoln County as #1 in the state and #600 out of the 24,000+ reviewed in the entire nation). We found a Montessori School for Catherine (Baan Dek) that exceeded the expectations previously set by an exhausting three months of research and meetings with educators at almost a dozen schools back east. The facility, staff and culture at Baan Dek Montessori continues to be a source of pride and gratitude for our entire family.

The following is a letter my wife and I sent to Bobby & June George (owners of the Baan Dek Montessori):

We enrolled our 3yr old daughter in the part-time program at Baan Dek Montessori two months ago because everyone we met there seemed to exude a conscious compassion and genuine passion for education.

The more we witness the Montessori method of teaching in action, the more we realize how misguided we were in thinking that Montessori was simply a school for the over-privileged children of liberal parents who see structure as stifling.    

Over the last two months, through your workshop initiatives like “Preparation for Numeracy”, my wife and I have come to a deeper understanding of (and appreciation for) the Montessori method. We now recognize Montessori as a bridge between conceptual learning and physical comprehension...a maternal imperative, if within means, since our educational aspirations for Catherine go beyond the development of her scholastic competence. We have a sincere desire for her to comprehend the world in which we live... and be empowered to enrich it.

We now know that Baan Dek is actually an advantage, as opposed to an amenity, that we are grateful to afford our daughter and thank you for making possible.

Sincerely,

JJS

Entry Point: Starting School on a Part-Time Basis

When faced with the dilemma of sending Catherine to school on a Full-Time basis (which would include recess, lunch and naps) versus a Part-Time basis (going home at 11:30am), we asked if the tuition could be pro-rated to reflect a gradual increase of time spent there each day.

We thought a gradual introduction to school beginning with a Part-Time schedule would be best and that she would eventually communicate her willingness and/or desire to spend more time at school as she develops relationships and a respective comfort level.  They agreed so long as her pick-up times were during windows that would not be disruptive to the other childrens’ routines. 

With the exception of a few days at her grandparent’s and a few nights in hotels, Catherine hadn’t once taken a nap outside of our home. Although we realized that it would happen…we certainly didn’t want to be married to a date by which it would happen.  Even the thought that she would be lying down for a nap in a strange place was so incredible to imagine that it made me laugh nervously at the teacher's mere mention of it.

So we’re opted to gradually bring her into the waters of Montessori like a bagged goldfish into a new tank . Not that we thought the sudden climate change might have killed her…kids seem pretty pliable and resilient. This gradual introduction served more as psychological transition time for us than for her.

A few days later we brought a blanket and Pillow to school with us. The goal was for her to see more of her things there and simply get comfortable with the idea that she could take a nap there if she was so inclined. When I arrived to pick her up at 1:30 yesterday, her teacher Mrs.Berry rushed to greet me with a finger held against her lips. She whispered: “Catherine came in from recess and was so excited to take a nap in her spot that she was actually the first one to lay down!” I asked if I could take a peek through the double-sided mirror and she quietly walked me over. There I could see the my little girl's golden locks peeking out from under a blanket covering her little body with her legs tucked-up under her. Catherine was twirling her hair with one hand while the other was softly tucked for suckling in her mouth. Mrs. Will (her other teacher) was  gently, rythmically, rubbing her back. Suddenly I felt like “this was it”. Like it was all about to come to an end…. I was immediately struck with the heaviness that accompanies a sad farewell in my heart. I suddenly realized that I was going to find her doing more and more without me. Growing up and being magical with other people and I wouldn’t be there to see it...to even hear what she was saying. I fought back a tear…partly of joy and partly of sadness. I drove back home and imagined the joy of relishing something ordinary and mundane with her in the future... like a game of basketball in the driveway after not seeing her for so long. Like Steve Martin in Parenthood only backwards….instead of my eyes welling up from recalling images of her childhood, I was lost, only for a moment, in realizing that her "growing-up" meant relying less on me.

Talent Aquisition: Mommy's Job Offer

As a specialist, my wife receives letters and postcards (sometimes twice a week) from recruiters and health systems all over North America. They never explicitly state which hospital it is specifically but they all guarantee: top salaries, high quality of life, national sports teams, major universities and “…a wonderful place to raise children”.

My wife is working very hard with a practice covering seven hospitals in three states and feels as though her employers’ commitment to her is as not as significant as her commitment to  them. She always says “Your first job is never your last…” So, after 5+ years of interest from Sanford Hospital in South Dakota, we’ve decided to take a look. Although we couldn’t imagine living in South Dakota... we did some research on Sanford Health and decided it was worth the visit. At the very least, it would be an opportunity for my wife to catch up with an old friend and former colleague for whom she has a tremendous amount of respect.

FAST FORWARD 7 WEEKS…  

When we arrived in Sioux Falls South Dakota, we were simply blown away at this hospital’s whisper of a “Talk” and thunderous “Walk”. Thanks to Premier One Bankcard founder Denny Sanford (and his $700MM in gifts so far…), Sioux Valley Hospital has been renamed “Sanford Hospital” (surprisingly) and transformed into a region-shaping health care network with an infrastructure of physicians in leadership and an outreach spanning 126 communities throughout 8 states. They are implementing several initiatives including global children's clinics, multiple research centers and finding a cure for type 1 diabetes and breast cancer. With both domestic and overseas satellites opening at a record-pace, Denny Sanford is creating an unprecedented momentum of ensuring the highest caliber of healthcare both in the Midwest and in 18 countries throughout the world (now developing international clinics in Ireland, Ghana, Israel and Mexico). Organizational growth and development with cutting-edge medicine, sophisticated research and advanced education like this isn’t seen in cities ten times their size.

We arrived the weekend of Sanford Hospital’s Annual Gala ( benefiting the expansion of their cardiac division) and graciously accepted what we believed would simply be an opportunity to meet some folks on the team and have a nice dinner. I’ve been to a lot of these events and they always seem to follow the same syllabus: cocktails followed by a President’s greeting, a few words of promise by the CEO or COO then a video presentation of the good work being done by talented physicians and administration’s plans for the future. Then it’s back to dinner and some dancing afterwards.

The Sanford Healthcare gala we attended not only brought one of the better meals I’ve had this year to our table (a perfect medium rare filet, roasted brussel sprouts and truffled potato gratin), but also tears to my eyes…and handkerchief. Never before have I been so moved by the parents of children whose life-changing stories were shared …or by the teams of dedicated people working orchestrally, from top to bottom, who selflessly make such a monumental difference. But the Sanford story did not end when the lights came back on. This was not a benefit injected with a presentation of “good work being done”. This was simply a spotlight on life at Sanford whose message of “Improving the human condition through exceptional care, innovation and discovery” didn’t end with a video. Improving the lives of children, specifically, didn’t seem like “just a job” people are doing here…it seemed more like a calling. An ingrained way of living life. A belief system that is evident in everything from the conversations between fulfilled guests at every table and the LED-illuminated spinning magic wands handed out on the dance floor (that surely made many a baby-sat children at home delighted in the morning) to the child prodigy pianist who led the orchestra all evening long.

I guess it’s just an overall feeling of genuine commitment to care and to the community of people who provide it…and there doesn’t seem to be a sense of (or pre-occupation with) time clocks, budgets or superfluous layers of administration associated with it. The passion was palpable and contagious. It’s hard to be around people like that and not feel a moral imperative to join them.  It’s hard to be a father and not want an amenity like them for your own child.

Now that some of our preconceived notions regarding the Midwest have been obliterated, we have a lot to talk about on the flight home.

Go-To-Market Strategy: Finding Teaching Oppotunities Everywhere

No longer is the free cookie at the bakery department our motivation for getting to the market. I’ve really learned that taking your time in an isle may be time consuming but very fun and rewarding if you have the time to begin with….I realize that not everyone can spend two hours at Wegman’s but after growing tired of the stress induced by rushing through the market in an effort to  beat the meltdown clock with a tired and bored little girl who wants to walk, then be carried then be placed in the cart…I decided to view the supermarket as a classroom and as a playground.  It makes for a much less stressful errand… and I no longer get those apathetic looks of annoyance from the masses of fellow shoppers I used to stop just short of smashing into with every turn or acceleration of my cart.

Bringing a shopping list and hunting for items at the grocery store with Catherine has proved not only to be fun but also serve as practical Montessorial exercises in reading, conceptual math and coordination.

Now, we not only look for the specific items we write on the list, but also the appropriate size and weight…which we translate to “units” thanks to our good friends: Team Umizoomi.

Today, I had Catherine sit in the cart while I placed a 1lb bag of rice in her lap. I told her it was 1lb or 1 “unit”. Then I replaced it with a 10lb bag of rice. I plopped it right in her lap while announcing that “This one is 10 units!”.  I asked her to describe what the bags felt like and which one felt heavier. I then began asking her over and over again to make sure and repeated this exercise until she couldn’t stop laughing. The take away here: Bags of rice are “squishy” and 10 units is heavier than 1 unit….and half of the people shopping at the market today probably think I smoke pot.

Dress Code: An Unspoken Message to My Daughter

Although there wasn’t any shame or awkwardness initially upon making the sensible decision to stay home (like 650,000 other men in America),  not getting dressed for work has me in a funk lately….kind of like being sick.

If I wasn't showered, shaved and dressed it used to be because I had nothing to do or because I was sick….or worse depressed. Even if I had been working around the clock on a project or new restaurant opening, I would produce a fresh exterior on an un-showered body with hair that was at least washed in the sink…but there was some degree of effort there due to the fact that colleagues, clients, customers and superiors expected to see me looking presentable….and not being able to manage one's appearance would mean not being able to handle one's job. Now I keep catching myself completely un-kept due to simply not being able to pick up any semblance of a schedule in my new job...and it's been a bit overwhelming to say the least. 

It’s been well-documented that our external appearance has a direct correlation to how we feel internally. Whether or not one causes the other is debatable but unimportant. I'm no longer just working from home and handling the brunt of the domestic workload. I've been given a promotion.  I now have a new position and my new boss notices everything.

I am her primary reference for what it means to be an adult. It has just occurred to me that, not only are my spoken words and physical examples important, but so too is my perceptible level of confidence, self-respect and self-awareness…and the body language that accompanies.

If a dog can sense fear then I’m sure this smart little girl can detect my being mentally and physically organized. Starting tomorrow, I am going to wake up yet another hour earlier to look as good for my daughter as I would for any client.

Capital Improvements: Best Money We've Spent So Far...

A few things my wife and I recently discussed as really being the best gifts/things we ever received/purchased for our Catherine (outside of her car seat and miniature kitchen which both count as necessities in my book).

• The Learning Tower-http://www.sensationalbeginnings.com/Item--i-F-3-699X      I thought this thing was just a super safe step-stool at first but it has quickly become a real learning tool and way for me to include my daughter in everything that goes down in the kitchen. The tower enables me to happily oblige her when she says “I want to help!” I include her in everything from meal preparation (she mostly just mixes ingredients I’m not really using and pours liquids from one container to another) to “washing” plastic containers and metal bowls we refer to as “dishes”.

• Swing Chair- http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2384&e=product&pid=45667      Would never have been able to take a shower without one.

• Dog (Newfoundland)- http://www.ncanewfs.org/      Our Dog Lulu is Catherine's absolute best friend in the world (next to our neighbor’s daughter Sophie)…also read somewhere that pet dander helps children develop a healthy immunity and resistance to allergies...not to mention the fact that our dog is much more efficient under the kitchen table than a Roomba.

• Badger Basket Stackable Toy Bins- http://www.target.com/p/badger-basket-three-bin-storage-cubby-white/-/A-13849987#prodSlot=large_3_25      A place for everything….and now she is responsible to sort all her toys and put them back in their appropriate place. Really a gift for everyone.

• iPad- http://www.apple.com/ipad/       From Face Time with grandparents to math and language games…this also keeps her entertained in the car, on the potty, at a restaurant…and we, surprisingly, have not had any difficulty limiting her exposure to TV/iPad time to under 2 hrs./day.

• Bouncy Balls- http://www.alibaba.com/productgs/528105899/Plastic_Balls_for_Playgrounds.html  You know those 8.5” bounce balls you see stored in wire cages at the supermarket and Toys R Us? Well, I could remember being a kid and always thinking it would be cool to have a whole room full of them (perhaps a result of watching Richard Pryor in “The Toy” more times than I could count). I was grocery shopping one day and randomly decided to buy a whole shopping cart full of them. When I realized that the balls were on sale for 79 cents and that the whole cart only cost about $8, I decided to fill another cart and bring home 20 of those balls…which looks like a lot more when they’re all over the foyer. We had so much fun bouncing, kicking and tossing those balls all over the place the night I brought them home! We ended up putting them in Catherine’s playroom along with about 60 helium balloons for her birthday party… which was immediately dubbed “Balloons Room”.

• Seaside Sidekicks’ Sand Cupcakes Set- http://www.melissaanddoug.com/seaside-sidekicks-sand-cupcake-set     Colored Plastic Cupcake Sand Molds that we first saw these at the Westin in Grand Cayman. Catherine showed  interest in playing with another child (for the first time) who was playing with these plastic cupcakes at the pool one day so we picked up our own set at the gift shop the following day. They not only serve as our go-to beach or pool toy, but also as the perfect icebreaker at playgrounds with sandboxes. 

• Simply Hero Boys Superhero Cape and Mask Set-         http://www.sears.com/search=simply+hero+boys+superhero+cape+mask+red+super+hero+cape+costume+toddlercatalogId=12605&autoRedirect=false&storeId=10153&yikes_prod=true                                                                                                                                                      The best five bucks we’ve ever spent! Picked it up as an impulse buy at Wal-Mart and turned into Catherine’s costume our (almost) daily game Catherine invented called: “Super Bunny Saves The Day!” …and a more productive game that Daddy invented called: “Rescue the mail from the mailbox!”.

Brand Equity: My New Identity Crisis

I have a cousin who is a stay-at-home Dad. At one time, he was my sole reference for what it meant to be a stay-at-home Dad. Within the first year, he stopped shaving and got fat. He let his hair grow long and started to resemble the Trustafarians I hung out with in college. His “comfortable” clothes looked more “dirty” and “sloppy” to me and only served to strengthen my conviction “…that would never be my fate. And now I am becoming what I feared most. I’ve been letting myself go. I’m gaining weight, shaving every other day…or missing three days and then shaping my stubble into a starter beard. Then I’ll let that grow for about a week or two… until it’s a solid beard by anyone’s measure. I’ll then wear it for a another few days (to complete the illusion of intention) and then decide to shave it off or go all “Magnum P.I.” and take it off gradually…which can be pretty fun until you forget you have a 70’s mustache when you’re meeting some already skeptical stay-at-home-moms for the first time who probably think it looks more “Molester” than “Magnum”.

The irregular shaving can quickly go from bizarre fun to a pathetic attempt at masking my lack of  motivation...or perhaps telegraphing my identify crisis. I keep catching myself giving up on looking presentable and trying to look more…professional. More…employed. Regardless of the countless articles I've read that depict at-home dads as "in-vogue", I don't live in Tribecca and so in my social circles....and in my neighborhood I am a minority. I’m struggling with feeling a little inadequate, underutilized and under-valued. It's not "raised eyebrows" I'm encountering as much as an immediate dismissal from conversation or worse...snide remarks and backhanded compliments for my choice to give our daughter the parental attention that too many of recent generations are lacking.